just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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