i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
