he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
