Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
