Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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