toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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