I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize