I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
