is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
