You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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