You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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