i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
