peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish i was in the wii world.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
