you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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