there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
