some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
