I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
