I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
