Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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