Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
