I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
