my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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