So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
