I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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