well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
