Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
