I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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