Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize