dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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