i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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