and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
