I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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