Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
