i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
