whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
