The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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