i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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