Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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