i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
