We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
