i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
