How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
