I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come see our sink grown plant.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
