Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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