It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
