mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
