I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize