You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
