just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
