he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
