We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
