She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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