Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
