wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
