Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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