no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I love you.
Bad choice
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
