My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
In America we eat man semen.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
