oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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