Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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