why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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