M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PANTIES FOUND
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