I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
