Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
