I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Operation Purity has been aborted
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
