My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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