Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize