dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
