i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
