i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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