college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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