you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
