I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
