worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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