all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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