insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
