One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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