So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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