i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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