mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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