I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
