I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize