The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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