Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
