He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
