remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Enjoy the penises
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
