just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
