White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
