How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
