I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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