Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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