Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
