He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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